I was mentally prepared to have sex. But I never thought I would regret it. All my friends look at me as someone who is strong, who takes the right decisions in life and would never screw up. I never told anyone I regretted losing my virginity. I was 19 when it happened. I had never been interested in boys and had been a tom-boy throughout my life. Although I did have a few crushes here and there, I had never had a real relationship.
I moved to another country to finish my college education. I was living with friends and having the best time of my life. I met HIM through a friend when we were all out partying one night. I started talking to him and realised we had a lot in common. We moved away from my friends and started talking when he started kissing me. I was a bit drunk by then and did nothing to stop him. We kissed for a while till my friends, who had panicked that they couldn’t find me anywhere, called. I left with my friends that day and didn’t even say goodbye to him. I was too ashamed I had let a complete stranger kiss me. But when I went home I realsied I actually liked him.
We met again the next night. I said sorry for leaving without telling him. Soon we started talking and eventually kissing. Again, I left without telling him. This time I never met him again. We kept in touch through e-mails and talked online quite often. Then he started calling me and we used to speak everyday. I quite enjoyed talking to him and thought this was actually leading somewhere. He never told me he liked me or that he wanted this to go any further. But I was slowly believing we had something going on.
It was my friend’s birthday and all our friends had come down for a big party weekend. He had come too, but I didn’t know he was coming and it was a big surprise for me. We went to my room and made out for sometime. After we came back from the party, I was mentally prepared to go all the way with him. We went back to my room and starting making out. Soon the clothes came off and before I knew it he started fingering me. I didn’t even tell him I was a virgin!
But he realised soon and asked me a couple of times if I wanted to go further. I said yes assertively because it had been running in my head and I wanted to get over with it that night. I also thought it was very sweet of him to surprise me by coming all this way to meet me. It did hurt quite a bit and I bled for some hours. He was gone the next day. I didn’t realise the consequences of what I had done until the next day.
Once he left, He didn’t contact me anymore, never talked online. We spoke a couple of times and he behaved very strange. I was hurt and didn’t understand his behaviour. We stopped talking altogether and I felt ashamed and disgusted with myself. I felt used and was so angry that a guy had succeeded in fooling me and misusing my trust.
I am now in a serious relationship with someone. He loves me a lot and we did have sex a few times. But it felt so different this time and I felt so loved! I do regret losing my virginity to someone I barely knew and wish I had waited. I know I will have to live with this regret forever. A piece of advice: don’t do something under pressure or without your full consent. It pays to wait and lose your virginity to someone who loves and cares for you. I would know!!!